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What Miss Marina Knows ... and What She Doesn't.

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2/27/10 08:24 pm

I don't know what it is that is making me not want to write.

Correction: I *do* want to write, and have a *lot* to write, but I don't know how to do it. Think of it as brain constipation. Of sorts.

Something tells me that I need to move to greener cyber pastures in order to get new writing energy. Coming into LJ makes me feel like I'm looking back at the past instead of moving forward. It makes me dwell unnecessarily on the past, too. Not that I "hate" LJ… it's just that I feel it's one element retarding me from getting things out that I really need to get out on "paper".

Well, once again the constipation has come on… am currently looking at new blog sites to move to as I write this…

11/5/09 12:43 am

Having to check the mailbox everyday to see if my registration has arrived is seriously starting to do my head in. I'm finding it very hard to keep my mind positive that it's going to come through. On top of everything else that is running through my head, the "not knowing" feels like a poison spreading through all my thoughts. Am pissed off at anything, everything and everybody.

11/1/09 09:26 pm

I feel completely insignificant.

11/1/09 01:41 am - Am awake, zombifyingly surfing the net instead of preferably being in bed, reading.

I need to write in here.

I feel I need to purge.

I have a lot to say.

I think.

But I simply can't seem to find the willingness to do so.

Especially since what I have to say means practically nothing to no-one else but me.

All the same, I feel the need to purge. Something (I don't know what) needs to be dug out and kept outside of my head. Better out than in. Am sick of the never-ending greyhound track otherwise known as my mind. Plus there is a heap of utterly useless (and absolutely benign and banal) things that need to be weeded out so that I have room for more important things to focus on.

Urgh.

7/22/09 06:04 pm - Never argue with an idiot...

I certainly win idiot of the day award today.

Clairvoyant: "I sense a very strong female spirit guide with you, one of two female guides. Very close. A name starting with "G". Yes, definitely "G". Who's the "G"?"

Marina looks at the Clairvoyant blankly. She thinks to herself, "I don't know any "G"s that have passed. All the strong female "G"s in my life are still here in this dimension, thank goodness! Glenda, Zia Germana - they're still here. And big YAYs for that! "

"I don't know," Marina says to the Clairvoyant, confusedly, whilst trying to figure out who it could possibly be.

The Clairvoyant insists, "Definitely "G". Gab, Gabe, Gabriella. Hmmm... very similar to Gabriella, but not quite. It's close, but not the same. Gabriella... no, but yes, very, very close."

Marina shakes her head. The Clairvoyant moves on to other aspects of the reading. It was a nice, positive, reading. One that I will take with a grain of salt and not invest all my hopes and wishes in, but one that gives me the added bonus of strengthening and affirming the changes I've made and will make for the future. Many things she said were simply uncanny that should bend even the most immovable of skeptics. As Carl Sagan once said, "Have an open mind, but not open so much as your brain falls out".

But back to my idiocy...

So this afternoon when my brother gets home from work, I tell him bits and pieces about my reading. It's only then, 5 HOURS after it do I realise who the female "G" must be.

My mum's name was Graziella.

Yes, Idiot of the Day Award!

But, like Nerida said tonight, that wasn't my mum's name - my mum's name was "Mum"! Hehehehe

7/19/09 11:49 pm

I know it's been an eon since I've written in here. I simply haven't had the creative (or ventful) urge to spill my guts and inner workings for a long, long time. A lot has transgressed in my world and I should put finger to keyboard to write about it. Since much of my world at the moment revolves around sitting in front of a computer either for work or intense study lately, I've had both hardly any time to write about it, nor the actual wanting to.

Hmmm... methinks the wanting to was/is a big problem. I think I wrote a lot of my entries in the past for others to read, not only for my own personal purposes. So a lack of faith or interest in what others would read in my monotonous world has stopped me from writing.

Yes, that and the fact I simply have hardly had time to even scratch my arse lately as it felt like I was doing a billion and one things at once. Now I'm at a sort of crossroads, and it's a bit scary. Intimidating.

A lot of my time the past year has been spent intensely studying on a new career path. Mmmm. I hate the word "career". Let's choose another, shall we? How about just a "new path". Yes, that's better.

I've had hiccups, pause buttons, and awful bumps along that hard road, and now that I've passed my studies and am facing a new path challenge I'm a tad terrified.

I've been thinking I need to write these fears down so that I can face them head on so that it won't stop me from taking the first real steps down this lush green path.

So I've simply used this post to take out the cork that's stopped up my writing and must try to find time to get all this out. I think I've got a backlog that needs a good cleaning out.

3/24/09 07:46 am

I really miss my Buddy.

It's been two weeks since he's gone.

But I miss him so terribly.

3/10/09 01:51 pm - My Bud.

As is the story of my LJ life, I've been meaning to update in detail in here about the goings on in the past year. One of the most important and utterly wonderful things that happened in the past few months was the welcoming of two delightful kitties who joined my odd little family just before Christmas. I've been planning on writing up a post just about them. Two abandoned 4 month old kittens found wandering in the yard at my friend's house. All I was planning to do to help my friend out was transport them up to the vet to see if they were microchipped so their owners could be found. Who am I kidding? I fell in love with them both instantly and knew the moment the vet said they had no owners that they'd be coming home with me.

And home with me they came.

Two little brothers. Bud and George.

This is my Bud:




A beautiful souled cat. So gentle. Serene. Always looked out for his little brother George. He knew he was home the moment he stepped foot in my house. A peculiar little puss that would check up on you every half hour, meowing at the window or the door to make sure you were around. A little eating machine that savoured his food just like a conoisseur. He'd watch you as much as you watched him. He was a consummate observer and enjoyed just sitting on a perch with a view looking at the world around him.

You'll notice I'm now describing him in past tense.

This morning, my little Bud was run over and killed by a car on the road outside the house.

I was awoken at about 6:30am by such heart-wrenching yells of "oh no, oh no" coming from my brother outside. I thought it was a dream. I ran outside to find my brother weeping and craddling our little Buddy in his arms, both Bud and my brother covered in blood, our next door neighbour standing by them in both shock and helplessness, his hand on my brother's arm, trying to steady him. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. He was already dead. It happened so quick. That's the only thing that is getting me through this horrible, awful day - that Bud didn't suffer long.

We've taken him to the vet to be cremated.

I keep looking at the window, waiting to hear his beckoning little meow.

My heart is broken. My little Buddy took a piece of my heart with him. I'm so glad I was able to give Bud a home. And he in turn gave me one too.

2/7/09 10:12 am - 'Coz everyone else is doing it! Hehehehe

This should be interesting as my iPod has a hellllllllllllllll of a lot of crap on it!


Instructions
1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the NEXT button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.



IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Let Me Entertain You"
Robbie Williams
Well, that's an interesting start! Hehehe

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Sugar Sugar"
Birds 'n' Brass
hehehehe... is that on the money?

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Big Deal"
Hoodoo Gurus
umm... someone please interpret this for me! Or has my dirty mind interpreted anyhoos... hehehehe...

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

"Vasoline"
Stone Temple Pilots
WTFFFFFFF?????? I hope it's got nothing to do with the above! Hehehe

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Short Memory"
Midnight Oil
hahahahah... on the money!

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

"Helps Me Helps You"
Midnight Oil
maybe!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
"The Tracks of My Tears"
Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
I promise you my life isn't THAT pathetic!

WHAT IS 2+2?
"Quando, Quando, Quando"
Engelbert Humperdink
what's more concerning: the answer, or the fact I have Englebert Humperdink on my iPod???!!! Hehehehe

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

"Alpha Beta Gaga"
Air
another WTF?!!, but may have hidden meaning... hmmm... maybe because I consider myself to have more than just one it may make more sense

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Stuck in the Middle with You"
Stealers Wheels
hehehehe... cryptic?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP??
"So Long"
The Kinks
I always wanted to be taller...

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE??

"Magic Trumpet"
Bert Kaempfert and His Orchestra
OMG - best answer everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heheheheheheheheheheheh

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

"Dizzy Miss Lizzy"
The Beatles
surely not - I hope I'm more grounded than that! Ooh, maybe when it's when they witnessed me on lemonade!

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

"Detroit City"
Tom Jones
Oh, how utterly romantic! NOT! hehehehee

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Pictures of You"
The City Lights
poignant!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Apartment (Remix)"
Custard
WTF???

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

"Long, Long, Long"
The Beatles
is there a common theme with the dirtiest part of my subconscious here??? teehehehe

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"All Day and All of The Night"
The Kinks
especially whenever we're on the phone!

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

"Elvis Presley and America"
U2
Hmmm... someone figure this one out! Or is it so cryptic that it's obvious???

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

"Stimulation"
Wa Wa Nee
HAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAA - at least I'll be enjoying myself!!!

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"Don't Abuse Me"
Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
not that I'm aware of... or maybe I've blocked it out!

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Still Water"
The Four Tops
hehehe... well I DO laugh at practically ANYTHING!!!

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Running to Stand Still"
U2
ok... this is a freaky one... this was the first song I heard after my mum died in 1990. FREAAAAAAAKY. It still makes me cry to this day.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Slow Down"
Backbeat Band
hehehehe... and yes, I AM an infamous commitment-phobe

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Ask Me Why"
The Beatles
hehehehee... funny, I really am being asked for my opinion in very sticky situations, actually!

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Polly"
The Kinks
another WTF???!!! I was hoping it'd be a MAN at least. Sheesh, just my heterosexual luck!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Der Komissar"
Falco
yes, I would stop the Russian Revolution in 1918... or maybe hijack Glasnost... or not. Hehehehee

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"At Last"
Etta James
ahhh... to end the survey a complete shocker of an answer that means absolutely nada!!! Or maybe it means I like me some pain... oooh, in fact I kinda do!!!!!!!!! Heheheheheehehe
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2/5/09 04:09 pm - Humble pie tastes good sometimes...

Despite my online-dating-disaster-aftermath a year ago that forced me to delete my account at OkCupid, I decided to rejoin there recently. Of course, the fact I had a new screen-name hasn't deterred all the sleazy weirdos who contacted me last time... I spend most of the time writing back "thanks, but no thanks" as nicely as I can (with some very bitter replies, I may add!), and blocking extreme annoyances left, right and centre.

I do have my eye, typing fingers, and a bit of my heart (already! Pathetic!) on a lovely guy who of course lives on the other side of the planet... why, oh why do I only find attractive men with brilliant personalities billions of miles away???????!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trust me, I've tried looking in Sydney and let me tell ya, those attractive, personable males must be effing hiding somewhere because I've never come across them!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously - take a gander at any dating site that tickles your fancy and have yourself a browse at the males on offer between the ages of 30-40 in the greater Sydney area... talk about personality-challenged, boredom-inducing, non-entities. Sure, I'm picky. And deservedly so once you take a look at that pathetic long list yourself!

(no wonder I'm single.)

But onto my more serious humble pie note from the subject line today...Collapse )
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